EARNED CONFIDENCE

I have a black wife beater on and gold jewelry on my wrist and ring finger. It's 6:15 PM and I’m sipping on a black cold brew coffee from Starbucks while eating a double-protein Chipotle bowl at the public library. Paired with my new high-and-tight haircut, I’m starting to see a new character forming in my mind — a version of myself I’ve worked to become. Life is good.

Strangely, there’s a weird feeling when wearing the wife beater.

For most of my life, I saw that look as something for other people — the ones who’d already earned it in the gym and who were bigger than me. But lately, after months of showing up in the gym and staying disciplined, I’m realizing that confidence is strong and present when it’s earned. Without the work, it feels like a costume. You feel proud to wear the black belt when you've earned it. If you haven't you feel like an imposter.

It got me thinking about what it means to have something you haven’t earned.

I wasn’t born with wealth, and I’m grateful for that. If a man never has to step into the jungle and earn for himself, he may never discover who he truly is. Comfort from birth can rob a person of the fire that forges them. The greatest accomplishment isn’t wealth — it’s the transformation that happens when you choose to become a man worthy of wealth and success.

It takes time. It takes willpower. It takes failing and showing up again when no one’s watching. But there’s no greater achievement than looking in the mirror and being proud of who you’ve become.

Money, women, or shiny objects cannot compare to how you feel about the life you’re living.

I’m guilty of focusing on the former and using it as my measuring stick. That way of thinking is wrong. It’s what you accomplish, what you do, and how you do it. I’m in the midst of changing my goal from an output to an input. This is important to me, and it is logically sound.

My favorite philosopher is Epictetus, a Greek man who was born a slave. His driving principle was that you must focus strictly on what you can control and be indifferent to external factors. He says don’t care for the weather, be it rain, sun, snow, or sleet. If you hope for something outside of your control, you will be left disappointed when the world doesn’t deliver what you had hoped for.

Outputs rely on luck, timing, or circumstance. Inputs rely on you — your habits, discipline, and consistency. Ironically, when you stop obsessing over the outcome and focus entirely on your system of inputs, you make it more likely you’ll achieve the very result you wanted in the first place. Nothing is guaranteed, however. The most we can do, all we can do, is focus on the actions that may lead to success and not obsess over success itself. And the respect that comes from being a man who is putting in that work and taking his life seriously is worth it in and of itself. The respect that others show and the dignity you feel within yourself trump the material or monetary rewards you get from the work.

That’s the difference between outputs and inputs.

Lately I’ve been reminding myself: stop obsessing over the macro. Be present in the micro. Macro thinking is incredibly necessary, but once you have the plan set, it’s all about execution. Climbing the mountain is done one step at a time. Be present for the steps. Feel the steps as you take them. This is where life is lived. Don’t live your entire life in your head. Come out into reality. Some people need to zoom out more and think big picture. I’m the opposite — I’ve lived nine lives in my head. I’m just now learning to slow down, breathe, and focus on my actions day-to-day. This is the right allocation of my attention. This is how I get better.

I’m learning that peace comes from process, not position. It comes from showing up, not showing off. The work is the reward — and they say the work does more work on you than you do on it. This is how we’re sculpting ourselves. In Stoicism, this is “The Art of Life.” Living is an art form. There’s no right or wrong way to paint — and life works the same way. It’s up to you to design your life — your values, principles, and standards — for us and for others. This whole thing is our design. Optimize for who and how YOU want to live.

Updated physique pictures taken yesterday:

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